Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize