I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
