My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize