I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
