one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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