the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
