If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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