the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
