I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
