why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
