i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
