i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
