Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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