I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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