dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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