I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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