Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
