Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
