Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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