just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
