I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
