I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm like, not good at living.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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