i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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