after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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