She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
