Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
