Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
