the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize