sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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