you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
