I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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