This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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