Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
