I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
