Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
