My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
