all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
