Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
