no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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