kristin has been a bad kristin
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
