Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
