Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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