In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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