Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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