I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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