I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
