Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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