Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
