I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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