Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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