is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
