you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i now understand why vodka
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize