i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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