i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
