my phone needs a breathalizer
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize