Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
