I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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