That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
