I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize