So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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