so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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