Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
