her facebook's as public as her vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
