quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
