I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
