I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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