why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
