Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
