..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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