I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
